My Promise

Well it's 5.40 in the morning, watched a trailer on One Day, perhaps i will catch it alone someday. Went out with a friend to Arab street to Castania for a shisha and some tea. As we sat down and spoke, sometimes in quiet solitude, he explained to me how a circle was the root of ancient beliefs and how they came about. We spoke about memories that we had, common friends that we knew, moments we savored.

After a period of chit-chat the owner of the place came up to us and believe it or not through discussion he spoke about a circle as well, about how things will come full circle for the good, bad and evil.

As i drove home and passed through a drive by to order some very early breakfast, i sat in my garden thinking, "so is that what it means to feel lonely? to not have someone to care for you nor help you out in your daily life? Departure and separation truly allows one to learn."

Let me just say that i have read your blog and will not read it again. It pains me much to read on about your thoughts and how you battled through the days past only to turn around to snap at me. If you deem fit to condemn me then so be it. Without a doubt i think that you will agree that our relationship was not moving forwards because we gave too much of each other to love one another. I know myself the best and through this method that i am employing ( i understand that it does not work with you ) i am trying my very best to learn more, understand and embrace myself more. I have no urges to club or do anything promiscuous, i am honestly being me and battling my very own demon within me, to solve and resurrect the true me. I do not expect you to read this blog, nor do i snap at you when i feel pissed that you cannot think of things my way. So please i ask of your understanding - the understanding of yourself as well. Leave me dandelion, go find a more mature man who has gone already gone down this path that i am treading on. A path to maturity and self enlightenment. The painful truth is that the world waits for no one. I cannot keep a perfectly good soul like you just to drag you down with me. Many say that you are a keeper - that i can agree on. But i am not promoting the growth that is needed in a successful relationship. So what do you expect me to do when i am hurting a loved one? To become a better man without sitting in my comfort zone. You took on My battles that i was facing because you loved me - i now take them on with my own flesh and bone for only i can take on my own battles. I hope that we can meet in the future and that we can look back at those memories and that you will be proud of me for being able to go through the valley of the shadows within me to emerge on the other side to a brighter and more glorious me.

If you curse me with karma, so be it. If you hate me, hate me with all your might. If you want me dead, hunt me till i'm lifeless.

If i die, just know this - all i set out to be was to be a better man and that was my promise. I promise. I promise. I promise.