im down...

im down. Very down, Everyone around me is rising and im Stagnant, no matter how hard i try. sometimes it seems that the harder i try the more i did fail.
right now seah is talking to me via msn...it was her birthday 26mins and 24seconds ago. i called her in e afternoon to wish her, and now she's telling me that she appreciates it. afterall she is my big sis. "greatly appreciate it lil bro... hee", "haha.... but i was really happy (=", and all i could say was "welcome" while i was within the cage of malancholy which is houses me. iall what would most probably head to church tomorrow and cry my heart out. i didn't want to ruin her special day.
frens are not much of a help now. all the bloody notes what help would they do if i cant even identify e main points and why i went wrong, stupid teachers and ppl make it so hard to decipher. One says this then another says that, who am i to follow the head or the tail? i did rather just shread all e notes and use it as a weeping bag. English did not go as planned, and im guessing e rest would be worse? Especially ss and history. days of sombre, days of anguish, days of endless weeping. im away. so far away from the island where everyone seems to be going. sometimes frens do more harm to u rather than healing. its like Gorging the wound and Rubbing Salt into it. Ppl look down upon me just because i am unable to score in certain subjects, which i once believed that i could do well in if i persevered and tried hard enough but u just get Runned down by Insensible ppl who cross your path and totally cut u off with their insensitive remarks or looks. Even Teachers look at me differently sometimes, as a Failure. FUCK LIFE! have u ever felt how a person like me would feel HUH?! u know how fucking painful it is?! fuck im crying.